Rain is to Blame for My Latest Relationship Woes

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Dear Rain,

You broke up with me in May and now you’re back. I really would have appreciated a warning or even a note saying you’d be stopping by. It’s not that I haven’t moved on. Contraire! The sun and I have had one hell of a fiery tryst these past four and a half months. It’s been hot, Hot, HOTTTT!

But now you’re here. Showing up on my doorstep at odd hours all stalker-like. Wanting to talk and see me and go over things. Dude. Seriously. Your timing is rank. The sun and I have big plans tomorrow. I want nothing but the best for you, but that doesn’t include us hanging out.

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For the Love of Cheese: Extreme Turophilia

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Dear Lucerne Dairy Products,

I am writing about your product naming abomination – the “Mexican” four cheese blend. This bag of shredded cheese you offer is nothing short of an insult, and I feel it is my duty to inform you that nothing about the contents of this bag have any correlation to Mexico.

This blend consists of the following cheeses: Cheddar, Mozzarella, Colby, and Monterey. To further break this down let’s refresh ourselves on cheese-making history. You’re sixth grade grasp of geography will come in handy.

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